absenteeism and RL

[Espli]

Hello all; just wanted to let you all know why i've been gone:

first off, the week before aug 11 ( my birthday ) was getting ready to take the vacation that was dearly looked for.  My ex finally decided that me not taking my vacations with the twins was bad and begged not only me but also called my mother and begged her to beg me to take the twins for vacation. that said i did indeed schedule vacation time off work and out of state ( live in MO. and all my family is once again back in IL. ) from Aug 11 to Aug 20th.

secondly, I just spent 7 hours reading through the forums getting caught up ( OMG Xulan...when i get back im soooo gonna train you !!! post nazi ! ) AWESOME JOB ON BLOODEYE !

and lastly to let you know how my vacation is actually going... ( as well as some RL stuff ).....

As you all ( or most of you ) know, for the past 3 years have had a terrible time with the custody battle that has ensued over my twin 3 year olds.  This has culminated into a child abuse case that so far has lasted for over a year.  I would get the children ( drop off spot is now at the courthouse/sherriff's office due to my ex quite litterally tearing up my yard when we were dropping the kids off at each others houses. ) and immediately check them over for bruising. When i found some i would inform the sherriff's office, ask them to take pictures ( which they never once have done ), then head straight to the local Emergency Room --- after taking pictures myself right there in the sherriff's office.  5 times this has been done... and once again due to our great system 5 times this has been ignored/ blown off/ and basically she's been told that its ok to bruise the children; this last time i took them between the two of them they had 37+ ( the reason for the + is because the docter's couldn't pinpoint how many bruises ON TOP of bruises they actually had they could only speculate ) bruises on the both of them ranging from head to toe.

Last Sunday ( Aug 6th ) i dropped the children off with my ex's mother at 6pm.  At 10pm i received a phone call from my ex asking why my children had bruises on their butts.  Since i had no knowledge of why that would be i promptly ignored it... bad mistake on my part.  I had a court case for the custody/ abuse case on Wednesday Aug 9th, at which time i was promptly told that now I ( YES ME !!! ) am now being under investigation for abuse.  Stunned i did not even know how to respond.

The scheduled vacation was to happen from Aug 11th to Aug 20th.  At 8am on the 11th i went to pick up the twins and at 830am i was promptly told ( after i made the sherriff's office call my ex ) that she had a letter from the DFS office stating that she was not to turn the kids over to me.  Seething, i attempted to contact my attourney ( was out of town after losing his election to circuit judge campaign ) and also DFS ( who just plain flat out refused to contact the case worker involved ).  Talk about a depressing birthday.  I held off leaving for vacation due to the fact that by the time i reallized that i could get nothing done, i was exhausted mentally and emotionally.

On Sat i left to go on vacation without the twins.  Monday morning, again i contacted DFS and finally ( after 3 hours ) was able to get in contact with the caseworker.  On speaker phone i let my parents listen in to the conversation.  He told me that he never gave my ex a letter stating that she did not have to turn the children over to me, and that by rights she was told specifically that she would have to abide by the custody aggreement.  After this i contacted my attourney's office again to leave a message and the office manager ( knew my attourney was going to be out till tuesday, didn't expect anyone in the office at all) told me that i was to contact the sherriff's office and ask them if they would inforce the custody aggreement.(approx 2pm ).  i spoke with the captain and he told me that yes indeed he would contact my ex and have the children at the sherriff's office the next morning in accordance with the custody aggreement, and that he would also call me back when he had done so.

by 6pm, with no phone call as yet i called back to the sherriff's office.  The captain had went home, so i spoke with one of the deputies and he called the captain at home to try and figure out what was going on. he also called my ex to confirm that the children would be there at 8am.  instead, my ex drops off the letter from the DFS agency that basically states that i should not be left alone with the children.  When the deputy calls me back, at first he doesn't even want to read me said letter, and basically says that there is nothign that he can do, i need to call back in the morning and talk with the captain again.

At 8am on Tuesday im back on the phone calling the sherriff's office asking for the captain. he's in a meeting we'll give him the message and have him call back as soon as he's out... At 9am i call back again and he's in the court house but we'll give him the message and soon as he's back in the office he'll call me back.... At 10am he's back in another meeting and he'll call me back... At 11am he's back in the courthouse yet again etc etc...... at 12pm he's here in teh office but unavailable.

To top off this particularly wonderfull way my day's going. by this time i contact my attourney and he starts yelling at me over the phone. ( JUST who the hell WORKS for who here anyways?!?!?! )  At this point he tells me there's nothing he can do to enforce the custody aggreement that i should sit tight untill teh investigation is over and do nothing, and then hangs up on me.

So.... that's how my vacations going... miss you all terribly, and will see you hopefully at 7pm on friday ( i am cutting my vacation a couple of day's short ).  If it seems like i'm venting, i appologize.  I just had to get this off my chest and i knew my family would stand behind me ( you guys are really awesome you know that ? )

As im tearing up once again thinking about the whole scenario, because i know exactly what happened... she got the kids at 6pm proceeded to take them to her house, beat the hell outta them, wait a few hours, and then report me to DFS, then DFS tells her to head to the sherriff's office where they end up taking pictures, and start an investigation on me..... im going to end this and go to bed :(

[Selorna]

 :'(

Seems like a great system at work there. Unreal how these people can do what they do since it's inconvient for them. Custody and abuse cases take way too long IMO. I'd tell the attorney to F off. And the kids are old enough to speak for themselves which boggles me as to why they haven't asked them who is hurting them. If you aren't with them, it's a no brainer as to who is abusing them. As much work as it is, write everything down and keep calling agencies to see what you can do. In the end, it's always the kids who end up getting hurt. Take photo's of them prior to your ex getting them and when you get them back. It's pretty sick sounding. Maybe she knows just the right people to keep this case as it is. And how the mother continues to get them is beyond me. Her mother must be equally as sick to know what is going on. Or believes her daughter as most will. There is normally a section in the phone book specific for these types of cases. A moderator can be asked for to speak to the twins and they know how to. Hopefully she isn't threatning them not to speak to anyone. But the good case workers know how to drawl information out of kids. I hope all goes well for you. Also get on the internet and see how many agencies are in the area and beg for help if you need.


**HUGS**

[menlo]

Poor Espli, I hate to see anybody dealing with this kind of a situation.  It's absolutely sick what is being done to those children, you have to get them away from your ex.  Get another attorney if you have to, they do actually work for you.  Keep calm and focused, but keep up your persistence in working to get your kids back.  They need to be with you asap, but that's obviously not going to come as easily as it should.  Stay strong and continue to do what's right and you will succeed.  Can't wait to have you back, haven't seen you now that I'm back from my own absence.  Take care =)

[Elfmano]

Espli:  So sorry to hear that your and the children are going through all of this hell.   Hopefully, someone will see what is happening and there will be some justice.  Hang in there and give the kids all of your love.  Be safe and will see you when you are back. 

[Aenthi]

/hugs Espli  Really sorry you have to go through all that :(   

[Timora]

Sorry for everything that is going on with ya. These are terrible cases to have to deal with. My suggestion would be to get all the pictures you have of them and all of the hospital reports and take them with you. Plus you might want to look at another attorney if this one isn't doing what they are suppose to be doing. As for the age, most places would not accept what a 3 year old has to say. Been there done that routine. One of my ex's girlfriend would beat their kids and we would take pictures do the whole police office thing and nothing would happen. But the moment I say you better watch out (at the time we were hoping to get his child away from her) to her when she calls and harrasses me, I am slapped with a harrassament charge. Needless to say, she had a very thick file and nothing would happen, even with social services for having no food in the house (they would call her up first and tell her when they would be there). Well, DUH, she would then stock and clean the house. Sorry to see you go through this, just keep you head up high and tread the waters lightly. I wish you well in all of this and hope the children come out unharmed from everything that is going on.. Good luck hun..

[Aaldyar]

Hey Espli, I might be a little late in finding this out and to me it sounds like the good ole boy system at work here. Just off the top of my head and i am no lawyer but have you tried to start a state investgation of the system you are suffering under. Just a thought but you might have to go that far to get something done!!  Hope it turns out for the best.
                                                                                                                            Aaldyar